I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
