just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
