Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
