i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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