I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
