hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
two words...techno handjob
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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