Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
