Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
