is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
