Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
