I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
