I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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