He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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