i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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