brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
