Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
