I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
