dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
