Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
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I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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