He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
