Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The beer is more important than you right now.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
