You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I believe in your delicious
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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