I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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