i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
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