Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
