lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
