drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
