At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
