Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
