A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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