her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
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she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
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I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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