I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
