Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize