I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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