Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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