Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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