Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
