Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
