SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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