I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
