I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
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I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
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I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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