To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Shame is for Republicans.
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