There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
