im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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