Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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