So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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