how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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