The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
