Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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