apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
