I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
