...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
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You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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