I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
