i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dick very happy bro
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
