i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
