I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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