I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
