my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
