Grow some girl-balls and come out already
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There's always time for handjobs
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
