thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
