Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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