I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if only i could text you this smell
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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