Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
