Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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