Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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